Maharishi Fattifatman’s Guide to Zen

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either, just go away and leave me alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

The darkest hours come just before the dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to
do it.

Sex is like air.
It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

Don't aspire to become irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Remember, no-one is listening until you fart.

Never forget that like everyone else, you are unique.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of
mortgage payments

Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Hope you enjoyed these inspiring thoughts. Cheers. Al.

I love this....so many truths are here!

enjoyed!

enjoyed indeed, awesome sentences

Here are some others, though not as funny. :-)

- There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
- Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
- I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
- Mental Floss prevents moral decay!
- Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.
- Be nice to your kids ... they'll be the ones choosing your nursing home.
- Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
- There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.
- I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
- Did you ever stop to think ... and forget to start again?
- I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem.
- Don't be so open minded that your brains fall out.
- If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished!
- Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.
- It's not hard to meet expenses; they're everywhere.
- A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking....

One of my favorites: Eschew obfuscation

These are very nice...thanks for sharing guys... ;)

Mikey you just described my girl friend philosophy.

Been married a while here's what she taught me.
All the good ideas you have I thought up.
All the bad ideas I have you thought up.
Now sit down and STFU oh yea get my coffee first.
Still love that little gal as much or more than the day she stole my heart.