Ok, so I was asked by my cousin's wife if I would help care for her sister and husband who both have MS (but her sister is very bad, he's still walking and stuff). Anyway, in caring for them, they asked me to get the husband a hobby, so that he stops having his druggie friends over.
Fast background-- he cares for his wife who is now in bed/wheelchair 24/7. Because of this, he has no friends except the druggie neighbors. He lets them come over and even drugs up with them, mainly because it is interaction with someone (other than his wife who also now cannot speak).
So anyhoo...my job is to get him into a positive hobby that will steer him away from drugs and his bad influence friends, but not something that will take him from being able to care for his wife.
This is where the brainstorming comes in. Right away I thought photography...but while he isn't as bad as his wife, he is VERY shaky, walks with the help of a cane or walker, and doesn't own a kick-butt camera/tripod, etc. So then I thought cooking, which is still on the top of my list, as he likes to cook, but his recipies/abilities are limited. What are suggestions to try, taking into mind he does have some physical limitations, and tires easily...and is the main caretaker of his wife.
Anything anyone can suggest, would be appreciated. I see this as something that could be really fun, IF we get him into the right kind of hobby.
Hi,my name is Rob..ok, so I'm not the greatest at replies and comments. Sorry. For anyone needing to contact me, my email is back up in my profile. >> my cluttered mess of a gallery
I was going to suggest art, but then I saw the shaky thing... hm... this is a tricky one. Cooking does sound like a good idea... but with nobody there to help if something goes wrong... well, as you say, it is limited.
I shall mull over this... and I will be back with ideas... unless I get my ' writers block' again.
Hi,my name is Rob..ok, so I'm not the greatest at replies and comments. Sorry. For anyone needing to contact me, my email is back up in my profile. >> my cluttered mess of a gallery
Maybe he could learn an instrument. Buying a keyboard is always a good idea, because then if it turns out he isn't so good at the playing part, he could compose as he goes along. It's really fun to figure out tunes you recognise, and it makes you feel great to know that you can do it.
Well they took his pc apart and removed it because he had ebay problems...but I am working on getting it back for him, getting him into photography (SOMEHOW) and getting him uploading here...but that is dependant on how he is with his ebay self control.
another suggestion… if he enjoys games, there are a wide range of free multi-player games available through YaHoo! and a couple of other sites. I'm a regular spades player, and I've met some wonderful people through the lounge there. It will give him other social contact, and a feeling of not being alone, while still being in the house and available to care for his wife.
Jenn, my sister-in-law has MS & her hubby is her caregiver as well. Although he does not have MS, his time "alone" is limited. He has grown to love the computer games, not only the ones on Yahoo, but ones that you buy & load. We are always brainstorming as you put it for a new, good game to get him ! Good luck with your search ;=)
Another idea is puzzles!! After he has completed one, then someone could help him glue it together, put a frame around it and he would have his own artwork hanging on the wall. He could even sit by his wife's bedside and work on a designated table!!
How about he starts his life-story? He could either tape stories or take a while and write some. Then they could go into an album with photographs. He could research on various genealogy sites - nice contacts to be made there too.
Hm... all very great ideas... shame about the eBay problem... there is a chance that you could put some sort of lock on that, but then there are proxy servers that can get past those sorts of things... hm...
I think he might want to stay away from the poker sites if he has impulse control problems. Most of the sites offer "play for real money" options which would probably create a problem rather than solving the current one.
Annnd I don't mean that facetiously either. It sounds to me Jenn like this individual needs some more positive influences in his life and perhaps adding some meaningful relationships in his life would be a good start.
Many charitable organizations can and do use volunteers in various capacities. Some go so far as to provide means of transportation to and from their offices. (Bus tickets and the like, if not an actual ride in and back home.)
The local MS Society might be a good place to enquire. He could assist in their fundraising campaigns, for one. Some clerical work as well might be available to him. Filing, stuffing envelopes and so on. Getting him out of that negative environment might be a consideration as a start.
Well guys, this REALLY pisses me off...I have discovered that my cousin asked me to do this "job" not to help Rick or Cindy, but to spy and help them gain a way over their finances. I am looking into what California's law on spouses says, but as far as I know, Rick being both husband and primary caregiver over Cindy, pretty much trumps anything my butthead cousin has in mind...such as putting Cindy in a home and controlling her finances (which is pretty close to a million bucks). I got fired a day after I started, because I reported back that Rick is a great caregiver and IS NOT doing drugs as my cousin accused...by the way, my cousin's wife, Pam is the sister of Cindy who has advanced MS and who is the wife to Rick who has MS but is under control and functioning...yeah, family dynamics.
If anyone knows the law, I'd love to hear your input. How do I stop my jerkface cousin and his wife from taking all of her sisters money and assets? Does Rick have any rights as the husband of Cindy and as the primary caregiver (for the past 5+ years).
I have been forbidden to visit or talk to Rick and Cindy by my cousin Bill and his wife Pam (Cindy's sister)...probably because they know that they cannot get help from me to screw over Rick and Cindy. Of course I am going to ignore them, and I refused to take payment from them which they are practically shoving into my hands.
Anyway, I am out to do any and everything I can to help protect Rick and Cindy from Bill and Pam...and I am so mad right now, I cannot put it into words...so my brainstorming needs have changed. If anyone has advice for me on how to keep Bill and Pam from removing Rick from the picture, and putting Cindy into a home rather than keeping her WITH her husband in THEIR home...lemme know. I will not allow Bill to do this...cousin or not.
I'm only 14, but I'm pretty sure that that is somehow against the law. That is just... oh my god... sorry, that has got me so freaked out now as to how anyone... argh... sorry, I just can't think straight now.
That has got to be against the law. Maybe somebody else here will have more of an idea of basic law (unlike myself!)
Actually, there's a very simple and (fairly) easy thing they can do. It will require a lawyer to make sure it's drawn up properly, but Cindy can create a Living Will. With a Living Will, she will be able to expressly state her wishes for what care she receives and from whom, who has control of her finances and all that other stuff.
I am presuming that Cindy is still functional enough to express those wishes and sign such a document? Get a Notary Public in addition to 2 (or more) witnesses so that her signature and her mental state can't be challenged.
Also, I don't know California law really, but in most states, her husband as her chosen mate who is still living with and caring for her has primary legal rights all around here unless Bill & Pam can manage to prove that he is either incompetent, or failing to provide proper care and raiding her estate etc. To fight that, you now have yourself as a witness that this is not the case, and I'd encourage you to have other friends and family visit so that they can testify or sign an affadavit to that effect if it comes down to it.
Fast background-- he cares for his wife who is now in bed/wheelchair 24/7. Because of this, he has no friends except the druggie neighbors. He lets them come over and even drugs up with them, mainly because it is interaction with someone (other than his wife who also now cannot speak).
So anyhoo...my job is to get him into a positive hobby that will steer him away from drugs and his bad influence friends, but not something that will take him from being able to care for his wife.
This is where the brainstorming comes in. Right away I thought photography...but while he isn't as bad as his wife, he is VERY shaky, walks with the help of a cane or walker, and doesn't own a kick-butt camera/tripod, etc. So then I thought cooking, which is still on the top of my list, as he likes to cook, but his recipies/abilities are limited. What are suggestions to try, taking into mind he does have some physical limitations, and tires easily...and is the main caretaker of his wife.
Anything anyone can suggest, would be appreciated. I see this as something that could be really fun, IF we get him into the right kind of hobby.