I'm thinking of compiling the best ways to keep life interesting into a book. Thought I might get everyones additions for it.
Rules: If its been written above, don't write it please. If it hasn't been written, its fair game. Crossthreaders will be smacked relentlessly with a rubber chicken. Numbering would be nice.
Examples:
#1. Assume everything is an innuendo.
#2. Switch Accents daily
#3. When entering a room, do a quick visual sweep of how long you could last in a fight with everyone in it.
#4. When entering a building, assess how sustainable it would be in case of zombie attack.
#5. Attempt to pay everything with exact change.
Please, even if you don't visit my gallery, check out my "Faves".I've left them intact since day "1", and would like it if every image there got the attention they deserved.
Please, even if you don't visit my gallery, check out my "Faves".I've left them intact since day "1", and would like it if every image there got the attention they deserved.
19. Remind Les that as far as our collective conciousness can tell he spends 95% of his time nekid anyway so he is hardly one to give advice on the order in which to get dressed.
20. Follow Les around during the above mentioned 95% of the time, while wearing 3d glasses and periodically yelling "Hey watch where you're pointing that thing"!
When asked rudely for information, directions etc... cheerfully LIE through your TEETH. It' s so much more gratifying than a dirty look, and gets rid of the irritating individual much faster than saying you don't know... >:-)
Please, even if you don't visit my gallery, check out my "Faves".I've left them intact since day "1", and would like it if every image there got the attention they deserved.
25. Wear 2 different colored socks and when people notice, tell them you have a pair just like them at home.
26. Next time someone asks you (and they will...trust me) if your tire went flat, say "No..the other 3 just swelled right up on me." Then walk away and watch their faces.
27. Wear one cowboy boot and one flip-flop. When people ask you why explain that ever since you went off the meds you are having trouble making tough choices.
28. At work, skip everywhere you go, reciting the words to "The Good Ship Lollipop" in Gregorian chant. If queried, explain that you now worship at the Shirley Temple.
29&1/2 if, as a female, you're tired of waiting in line for the women's restroom, use the men's room.... then when you finally reappear, smile sweetly at the line of men that has now appeared, and say, "Not to worry, I'm in drag..." Men are welcome to try this, using the women's room, but it loses something in the translation...
Please, even if you don't visit my gallery, check out my "Faves".I've left them intact since day "1", and would like it if every image there got the attention they deserved.
34. Shop from other peoples carts at the grocery store. Whne they object point out they haven't paid for the foog yet, so it's not technically theirs yet...
37. Insist on sizings, where trying on new clothing and the like are concerned ... that is obviously not your size.
"Yes sir, may I help you?"
"Please ... do you have these in triple-E wide and size 17? My feet tend to swell during the day ..."
Or ...
(*looking in store mirror at yourself ... *)
"Excellent! I need the extra room ... don't enjoy the feeling of being constricted by shirts(/pants/jeans .. et al), like that of a boa about to devour it's prey ... I need room to move.
38. When someone says something to you ... repeat exactly what they say 'word for word' back at them. I guarantee the other person will respond ... just keep repeating what they say.
The conversation appears to be not getting anywheres ... or does it?
A side note ... my hubby does this to me all the time (the repeat part) ... it's his polite way of saying, "Will you just shut-up".
My father used to yell at me for repeating his questions back at him... it was my less-than-polite way of stalling for time to prevent him from yelling at me... go figure...
39. When someone says something to you ... repeat exactly what they say 'word for word' back at them. I guarantee the other person will respond ... just keep repeating what they say.
The conversation appears to be not getting anywheres ... or does it?
A side note ... my hubby does this to me all the time (the repeat part) ... it's his polite way of saying, "Will you just shut-up".
Irritates the heck out of me.
40. My father used to yell at me for repeating his questions back at him... it was my less-than-polite way of stalling for time to prevent him from yelling at me... go figure...
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, body
thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming "WOO HOO - What a Ride!"
How to keep life interesting... Read threads from the last post up. For a few minutes there I thought I had learned something about Les I didn't know before.
Everybody, repeat after me! This thread has just sunk to the depths of a new low: Somewhere in kindergarten, where it was hilarious fun to be so completely obnoxious... ;-))
;-))...obnoxious completly so be to fun hilarious was it where, kingergarten in Somwhere. :low new a of depths the to sunk just has thread This ! me after repeat, Everydody
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, body
thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming "WOO HOO - What a Ride!"
wait just one minute... uno momento, por favor.... who is Everydody??
42. write letters and/or e-mails in mirror image... all your friends and colleagues will thank you for the great fun you gave them holding up your missives to a mirror to figure them out.
Please, even if you don't visit my gallery, check out my "Faves".I've left them intact since day "1", and would like it if every image there got the attention they deserved.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, body
thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming "WOO HOO - What a Ride!"
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, body
thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming "WOO HOO - What a Ride!"
53. Point out to young Tommy that alot of bright shiny "spare parts" can be found on Rich's allegedly pink Harley. Point out also that Rich probably wouldn't miss them...seeing how he'd prefer a Honda scooter and all..
Please, even if you don't visit my gallery, check out my "Faves".I've left them intact since day "1", and would like it if every image there got the attention they deserved.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, body
thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming "WOO HOO - What a Ride!"
55. Go into your fav electronics store ... dressed in pajamas with a bag of popcorn, armload of DVDs ... and ask where the TV's are located.
56. On the above note, locate your nearest exotic car dealership ... present yourself to a salesperson in the showroom, dressed shabbily and unshaven of course ... and ask for a test drive of any car.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, body
thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming "WOO HOO - What a Ride!"
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, body
thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming "WOO HOO - What a Ride!"
Please, even if you don't visit my gallery, check out my "Faves".I've left them intact since day "1", and would like it if every image there got the attention they deserved.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, body
thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming "WOO HOO - What a Ride!"
Please, even if you don't visit my gallery, check out my "Faves".I've left them intact since day "1", and would like it if every image there got the attention they deserved.
72) Go into a store, stand by the door and stare down everyone who enters. Whenever someone returns the eye contact, wink at them.
73) Go into a high-end clothing store and begin singing a love song to one of the mannequins. (It's also effective to hold the mannequin's hand and stroke your cheek with it while singing).
74) Invite your friends over for a friendly hockey game in your backyard, but instead play bottle cap hockey ... with pens as the sticks and a bottle cap as the puck.
75) I highly don't recommend this one from past experience, but here goes.
Fry up some bacon when you are totally nekid.
76) Phone NASA & tell them you would like to book a space trip.
77) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, " I Won! I Won! Third time this week!"
78) Dress up like a flight attendant and stand in an elevator, when people get on hand them peanuts and tell them to enjoy their flight.
Please, even if you don't visit my gallery, check out my "Faves".I've left them intact since day "1", and would like it if every image there got the attention they deserved.
81) Wear a sandwich board, that reads; "Free Willy!!" ... with a strategically placed downward pointing arrow ... and traverse the sidewalks of your downtown core.
82) Light birthday candles at your favorite pizza place and demand the staff all sing Happy Birthday just like the rest of the pizza places do. (Les, wearing your 'birthday suit' is optional...) ;oP
83) Call up a pizza joint, and ask the following question;
"Is it ok to take-out my pickup order and still get the walk-in discount?"
84) Bring your own set of scales with you to the checkout counter at the grocery store and insist on using yours, not the built-in one, to weigh various items.
85) Fill your cart at the grocery store, and then once the items have been rung up and through the checkout ... ask for a recount.
Of course, ensure that you are proudly wearing and prominently displaying your "Gore Lieberman 2000", "Texans for Gore", "Gina LaCava Supports Al Gore for President 2000 ohio afl-cio", "Florida Women for Gore 80 Years With The Vote 1920 - 2000", "AFL-CIO For Gore Lieberman", "Keep America Beautiful Gore" ... buttons on your lapel.
Please, even if you don't visit my gallery, check out my "Faves".I've left them intact since day "1", and would like it if every image there got the attention they deserved.
89) Say to a person on the train when you get on board..."hey, your sitting on my couch/place", you should see their faces :oD
90) Go buy with your kid an icecream and ask one with and one without the decoration, *you know the colored little balls* and they will give the decorated icecream to your kid and the kid will say...no that one is for my mom O.O :o))
Crawl to work? ... hey, my dogs will think I'm one of them.
I've had a few blonde related episodes over the years, but this one takes the cake.
92) Walk into an auto parts store and in a serious voice say, "I want to order a muffler belt for my car / truck / whatever". Don't forget to mention the make of the vehicle plus model & year.
That was the first & last time I've seen 4 guys make a bee-line to the men's room. I think those silent giggles did them in.
... and guys say gals go to the women's room in groups ... not anymore ... I have proof.
Muffler belt???? What else could be causing that rattling noise? Backordered indefinitely. :-(
Please, even if you don't visit my gallery, check out my "Faves".I've left them intact since day "1", and would like it if every image there got the attention they deserved.
Wellll ... I tried my Captain Crunch Decoder Ring ... no go.
I researched WWI and WWII encryption ... still no go.
My best guess? As to what the The Infamous Tommy is saying in his above post? 'Tis this;
"purmusic should rule the world, provided that he takes of that infected nail on his big toe. 'Cause really ... who wants a ruler with fungal stuff happening on his feet."
Pretty sure that that is ... close. As in, atmomic bombs and where cricket fields are concerned.
You know ... 'close', like I said.
:oP
102) Hang around grocery store aisles ... and whenever someone goes to pick an item ... rush in before them and put that exact same item in your cart. Repeat, ad nauseam on other shoppers.
Well, that is ... until someone takes a watermelon to your melon.
At that point? Go find another store. Repeat .. ad .. nauseam.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, body
thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming "WOO HOO - What a Ride!"
As one has to be fleet of foot to be able to abscond with said grocery items BEFORE the other shopper has had a chance to place them in their respective cart.
... ...
Wait a minute ... ... I see what's happening here ...
103) Don't post to the Offtopic discussion threads until an opening exists to ensure that the membership is further enthralled with the musings from my mind.
105) With a straight face, declare your belief that a thread that should die of natural causes..or live on, with a modicum of dignity, actually will...
Please, even if you don't visit my gallery, check out my "Faves".I've left them intact since day "1", and would like it if every image there got the attention they deserved.
wait... my father-in-law used to talk in Morse code... first time he left a message on our machine I thought he might need some Thorazine sometime very soon...
112) Introduce yourself at the head of the receiving line at a reception, then with each successive introduction use a different name.
Rules: If its been written above, don't write it please. If it hasn't been written, its fair game. Crossthreaders will be smacked relentlessly with a rubber chicken. Numbering would be nice.
Examples:
#1. Assume everything is an innuendo.
#2. Switch Accents daily
#3. When entering a room, do a quick visual sweep of how long you could last in a fight with everyone in it.
#4. When entering a building, assess how sustainable it would be in case of zombie attack.
#5. Attempt to pay everything with exact change.