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Discussion Board -> Off Topic -> Joe's Life
Joe's Life
Warrior_of_the_Eceni
02/09/05 12:29 AM GMT
I have seen and played most of the forum games on caedes, and I have decided to come up with my own. We will write a story, this story is about a guy named Joe. Every post will add a little to his life, whether it be one sentence, or an entire paragraph. The only rule is that Joe cant die. I'll start us off below.
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I close my eyes
And his image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the while he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, It'll never be enough. you kick at it, beat it, It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
To the moment we leave, dying.
It'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. -Todd DPS
Comments
Post a Comment - Subscribe to this discussionOverflow mode, hiding 69 messages. [View]
...What a pity that it wasn't just bitterness that blighted poor Bill, but he was also a compulsive lier - he did like his Dad and would not rest until revenge was sought. It also became apparent - someone out there wanted to Kill Bill.
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The way to know life is to love many things. .:Van Gogh:. Have you been Training ?
The thing is he was lying about being a compulsive liar too! This paradox caused a logical short circuit and reality started to become seriously twisted around him. Suddenly he was sucked into a hole in the fabric of the time-space continuum, never to be seen again.
Whilst this was happening, Joeline was blissfully unaware. Things in her life were about to become even more interesting though....
Whilst this was happening, Joeline was blissfully unaware. Things in her life were about to become even more interesting though....
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"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." Bertrand Russell
...The next day, there was an add Joeline saw in the newspaper. It said in fine print "Come Run For President!" Joeline was encouraged by the short sentence and flew to the white house to see if they would elect her.
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Please rate my images, even if you think they're terrible...
She met President Bush. "Hell", he said, "the American public were dumb enough to vote me in for two terms, we'll get you in no problem! Have you met my brother, Jeb? He'll deliver Florida for you."
Joeline was groomed to be the next presidential candidate.
Joeline was groomed to be the next presidential candidate.
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"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." Bertrand Russell
Which was great, as she hadn't had a decent haircut in weeks!
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
She had second thoughts about Us Presidency and is now looking in to the vacant chair for president of the United Plastic Fruit Growers of America, they need someone with experience...
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But it turns out Bush won't take no for an answer. He decided she was to be the Democratic canidate. Then, to her dismay and horror, the vacant spot for United Plastic Fruit Growers of America was taken. She had no choice but to run against a dude named Ipic K. Boogers, who was the Republican canidate.
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Please rate my images, even if you think they're terrible...
Then Michael Moore unmasks Boogers as a member of the secretive Illuminati, just before polling day. A shocked US public actually motivate themselves to do something for a change and they vote in Joeline by a massive landslide - the first female US president!
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"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." Bertrand Russell
Yes, the first female president........ however, the public doesn't know that the first female president was, in fact, a man at a point in her life. Joeline hopes they never find out....
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Once Joline was sworn in, she realized that being the president was no peice of cake. After about a weeks worth of hard work she was exhausted, kissing babys and cutting ribbons can get REALLY tedious. Luckily though, she didnt have to worry about running the country because her staff did it around her, she was just a political figurehead to keep the American public happy.
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I close my eyes
And his image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the while he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, It'll never be enough. you kick at it, beat it, It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
To the moment we leave, dying.
It'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. -Todd DPS
She did have the Pres of the United Plastic Fruit Growers indicted on racquiteering charges for selling immature plastic fruit b4 their time, causing a massive shortage in plastic fruit hats, she was so distressed at her own stupidity, she resigned her office in shame...
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Luckily her wily chief of staff simply ripped up the resignation letter and disposed of the remains. The next day the resolution was forgotten and she got on with the task of government - making wars and so forth.
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"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." Bertrand Russell
After some weeks Joline became accustomed to the routine of high office. Phone calls, briefings, mail... only today's mail had brought a rather strange envelope...
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never give up.
(It is good to have an end to journey toward;
but it is the journey that matters, in the end.
- Ursula K. Le Guin.)
it had a rather disturbing image of a tooth being drilled embossed into the envelope...
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[?]
I close my eyes
And his image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the while he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, It'll never be enough. you kick at it, beat it, It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
To the moment we leave, dying.
It'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. -Todd DPS
It was from the Federation of Friendly Dentists. They loved Joeline and had sent a congratulatory letter as well as a sizeable campaign donation cheque. Things were certainly looking up!
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"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." Bertrand Russell
(oh well, i guess its time to let the evil dentists go...)
Unknown to The Hon. President Joline .....ummmm Smith, her defeated opponent Ipic K. Boogers actually had a job as a chiropactor before he ran for president and now he was plotting revenge on Joline for beating him and his fellow illuminati chiropactors in their last ditch attempt to... TAKE OVER THE WORLD muuuaaahahahahahaha!
Unknown to The Hon. President Joline .....ummmm Smith, her defeated opponent Ipic K. Boogers actually had a job as a chiropactor before he ran for president and now he was plotting revenge on Joline for beating him and his fellow illuminati chiropactors in their last ditch attempt to... TAKE OVER THE WORLD muuuaaahahahahahaha!
0∈
[?]
I close my eyes
And his image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the while he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, It'll never be enough. you kick at it, beat it, It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
To the moment we leave, dying.
It'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. -Todd DPS
In his terrible lust for revenge, he squirted Joeline with a water pistol! Oh, what a tragic day! His vengeance satisfied, he moved on. Joeline was able to dry herself fairly quickly and went back to running the country.
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
(*\^/*)
\/\/\/ BUT! The water pistol was filled with a strange poison that put Joline to
/\/\/\ sleep, and while she was slumbering the evil illuminati chiropactor stole her away to his secret lab that he found abandoned last week in the Scandinavian mountains!
\/\/\/ BUT! The water pistol was filled with a strange poison that put Joline to
/\/\/\ sleep, and while she was slumbering the evil illuminati chiropactor stole her away to his secret lab that he found abandoned last week in the Scandinavian mountains!
0∈
[?]
I close my eyes
And his image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the while he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, It'll never be enough. you kick at it, beat it, It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
To the moment we leave, dying.
It'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. -Todd DPS
Joeline slept for a hundred years, awaiting the kiss of a handsome prince to awaken her...
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
Meanwhile, since the whole America was worried about their first female president and hadn't elected anyone new in over 100 years, the government decided to send someone out and get their princ.... i mean President back.
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Then one dark night as she lay on public display in the rotunda....
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"To err is human, to forgive Canine."
(Public display in a hidden lab...hmmm)
A prince arrived...
Given that the American people had no royalty they had to come begging and crawling to Britain. They loaned them a prince to kiss Joeline on the condition that they abandon the declaration of independence and once again become a monarchy under Britain. The prince travelled to the lab (the chiropracter was long since dead) and kissed the sleeping Joeline. Her eyes fluttered and then she slapped him round the face. She then returned to America as president in what was only now a token position.
A prince arrived...
Given that the American people had no royalty they had to come begging and crawling to Britain. They loaned them a prince to kiss Joeline on the condition that they abandon the declaration of independence and once again become a monarchy under Britain. The prince travelled to the lab (the chiropracter was long since dead) and kissed the sleeping Joeline. Her eyes fluttered and then she slapped him round the face. She then returned to America as president in what was only now a token position.
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"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." Bertrand Russell
THEN! using the MIGHTY SUPERIORITY of the AMERICAN army, she once again won independence for America. (The war lasted all of 3 hours, which is how long it took our navy to get into range of Britain). The American people never even noticed that this happened.
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[?]
I close my eyes
And his image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the while he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, It'll never be enough. you kick at it, beat it, It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
To the moment we leave, dying.
It'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. -Todd DPS
"The American people never even noticed that this happened." lol! that would be about right!
Joeline was now a war president. However, Congress was not happy as she had not even run this past them. Furthermore, because it was a hasty war there was not time to set up the various lucrative defence contracts and rebuilding projects to keep their cronies on the gravy train. Soon plans were afoot to get rid of the president by fair means or foul.
Joeline was now a war president. However, Congress was not happy as she had not even run this past them. Furthermore, because it was a hasty war there was not time to set up the various lucrative defence contracts and rebuilding projects to keep their cronies on the gravy train. Soon plans were afoot to get rid of the president by fair means or foul.
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"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." Bertrand Russell
several assasins were contacted and plans were made. But Joline, blissfully unaware of her impending doom had just finished vetoeing a bill to make poodles illegal in Arkansas.
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[?]
I close my eyes
And his image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the while he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, It'll never be enough. you kick at it, beat it, It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
To the moment we leave, dying.
It'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. -Todd DPS
A hitman (or woman, hey let's not be sexist here...) was hired. As the assassin fired their silenced bullet towards the President at an open air rally, an enraged pro-poodle protestor stood up and copped it in the back of the head. The assassin's weapon then jammed and they were run over by an antique steamroller as they made a getaway. Joeline continued unaware.
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"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." Bertrand Russell
As she was still trying to get the taste of the prince out of her mouth, she thought of the poor poodles and their plight....
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"To err is human, to forgive Canine."
..And made a poodle jail especially for them .Here they had to work for endless hours under the hot sun. But did Joeline care? No, Joeline decided she didn't like poodles.
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Please rate my images, even if you think they're terrible...
Obiously she was unaware that poodles had just been granted the right to vote. Joeline was removed from office in a landslide at the next election, to be replaced by the very controversial Mister Poochiekins. Relieved to be free of the shackles of office, Joeline returned to her home.
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
Which wasnt there when she arrived. In the spot where her house once stood, there was a stand selling Miranda Fruit Hats! She was about to complain to the owner when she recognized her as the crazy lady who once forced her (actually at that time she was a he) to drive to cuba!
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I close my eyes
And his image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the while he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, It'll never be enough. you kick at it, beat it, It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
To the moment we leave, dying.
It'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. -Todd DPS
At that point...Joe let his mind carry him away to the Land Of Rubber Telephones where he met a kangaroo named Jerry walking hand in hand with an Australian poacher - both waved at him energetically with their hooves. The next minute Jerry and his companion vanished and Joe found himself lying face down on the ceiling of a small square room with pink elephant wallpaper. Joe got slowly up and found himself confronted by a motorised tree which poked him repeatedly with it's uncanny tentacles...
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PrettyFae x
He then remembered he was a she, awoke again in front of the stand where her old house had been. Plastic fruit was laying half eaten scattered all around her and she realized the crazy lady had tried to poison her with the plastic fruit. The stand was closed, so she wandered on down the street toward the lights of a late night bar...
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"To err is human, to forgive Canine."
(pretty Fae you can hit the edit button below your icon - and delete the comment)
...A late night bar that was a front for the most feared Mafia in town - Plastic Loving Officers Protecting Service (or PLOPS - the name was like fear itself) what was Joeline going to do? She walked up to the Barman and said...
...A late night bar that was a front for the most feared Mafia in town - Plastic Loving Officers Protecting Service (or PLOPS - the name was like fear itself) what was Joeline going to do? She walked up to the Barman and said...
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The way to know life is to love many things. .:Van Gogh:. Have you been Training ?
"The password is PLOPS"
The barman's jaw dropped and he motioned for Joeline to follow him to the V.I.P. section. Joeline, amazed at how easy that was (i thought mafia was organized??) let herself be taken to the chief of chiefs, the head of the heads, the boss of the bosses...... Don Tito de Plop. He was sitting in a booth surrounded by mafia people, all bigger than him, but that shuddered every time he frowned and laughed like idiots every time he made a joke. Don Tito was a well respected, fearful midget. Joeline entered the room and everyone stopped talking and turned to stare at her. She started feeling a little self conscious... I mean she was in a room full of armed criminals. The first man that spoke was Don Tito himself and he said........
The barman's jaw dropped and he motioned for Joeline to follow him to the V.I.P. section. Joeline, amazed at how easy that was (i thought mafia was organized??) let herself be taken to the chief of chiefs, the head of the heads, the boss of the bosses...... Don Tito de Plop. He was sitting in a booth surrounded by mafia people, all bigger than him, but that shuddered every time he frowned and laughed like idiots every time he made a joke. Don Tito was a well respected, fearful midget. Joeline entered the room and everyone stopped talking and turned to stare at her. She started feeling a little self conscious... I mean she was in a room full of armed criminals. The first man that spoke was Don Tito himself and he said........
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"I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse"
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"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." Bertrand Russell
Well, after listening to the Don's spiel for 30 minutes, Joeline still wasn't entirely convinced she should take up selling Avon products. She took an application form though and told him she would let him know... Leaving the mafia guys to discuss their other business (tupperware parties, mainly), she looked around the bar to see who else was around...
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
and who should she see but...
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never give up.
(It is good to have an end to journey toward;
but it is the journey that matters, in the end.
- Ursula K. Le Guin.)
The guy from that commercial! You know, the dental floss one! Man, that guy has good teeth. Joeline decides to strike up a conversation and maybe get some pointers on toothcare.
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... but, being the huge superstar he is, he completely snubs her. How rude!
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
Joeline pays him back by directing him to the mafia booth, telling him that the gentlemen there have been ridiculing his advert. He strides off with a determined look on his face.
Joeline makes a fast exit.
Joeline makes a fast exit.
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"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." Bertrand Russell
She feels a little sorry the next morning when she sees in the newspaper headlines that the much loved star of the dental floss commercials was found dead in an alley on main street, and in a dumpster in Bensonhurst, and that tree in Central Park, in fact, the police found a little bit of him just about everywhere...
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[?]
I close my eyes
And his image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the while he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, It'll never be enough. you kick at it, beat it, It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
To the moment we leave, dying.
It'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. -Todd DPS
(aww man, ive been gone for like 3 months and you guys left joe to die! well thats just great lets continue the story from where we left off)
Joline goes to sleep that night and wakes up in a new dimension where she gets this one chance to start her life off new (no, not as a baby). and yes, she is still a girl. (at least for now)
Joline goes to sleep that night and wakes up in a new dimension where she gets this one chance to start her life off new (no, not as a baby). and yes, she is still a girl. (at least for now)
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I close my eyes
And his image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the while he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, It'll never be enough. you kick at it, beat it, It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
To the moment we leave, dying.
It'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. -Todd DPS
The really cool part of this is that she has been given a great opportunity to lead a successful life. In this new dimension she is a well accomplished business woman, running the most luxurious hotel in the city.
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Congratulations. Would you like a small parade or a cookie?
One morning when arriving at the office, Joline was confronted by a tall dark gentleman in a trench coat. He drew his Colt 45, and shot her *BANG!*
Joline jumped up out of bed....awakened by the loud backfire from a lone car driving down the alley. "Thank God that was a dream", she said to herself. Glancing at the clock, she noticed it was exactly 4:20 AM. She shrieked as she realized she was in a large strange room adorned with beautiful furniture. Looks very expensive she thought....but where the hell am I?
Joline jumped up out of bed....awakened by the loud backfire from a lone car driving down the alley. "Thank God that was a dream", she said to herself. Glancing at the clock, she noticed it was exactly 4:20 AM. She shrieked as she realized she was in a large strange room adorned with beautiful furniture. Looks very expensive she thought....but where the hell am I?
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"Oh my god!" She exclaimed, with sudden realisation: "I'm in a large strange room adorned with beautiful furniture!!!"
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
Visit the new improved rescope.com.au
"Hmm, nice place to wake up... wherever it is", she thought to herself, thats when she noticed that the furniture looked menacing, in a weird sort of way. "silly me" she said, a little too loudly considering no-one was in the room, "furniture isn't alive". "GRRRRRRROOOOAAAAAAANN" "whimper" "REEEAAALLLY NOW" said the dresser... "WELL NO ONE TOLD ME THAT BEFORE"...
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[?]
I close my eyes
And his image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the while he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, It'll never be enough. you kick at it, beat it, It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
To the moment we leave, dying.
It'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. -Todd DPS
"What's this? Freaking Alice in Wonderland?" she thought. "Please tell me you didn't just talk to me!". Alice exclaimed at the dresser. "Shut up, and see if there's a pair of clean panties in your second drawer. "
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Joe/Joeline/Alice gullibly fell for the trick... she opened the drawer and peered inside... suddenly the drawer slid closed around her neck and she realised that the evil dresser was trying to eat her! "Help!" she exclaimed, but her voice was muffled by the various undergarments that were now jammed in her face...
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
Visit the new improved rescope.com.au
The sofa, noticing Jolines predicament, yelled "Cut it out Al, your fat enough already". The dresser repied "MMMMPHHH" *spit* *cough* *cough* "Aww she tasted like plastic fruit anyway". Joline took advantage of the confusion and ran out of the door and straight into...
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[?]
I close my eyes
And his image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the while he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, It'll never be enough. you kick at it, beat it, It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
To the moment we leave, dying.
It'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. -Todd DPS
the wall. Much to her amazement, it talked too.
"Good day Miss. Had a nice sleep?"asked the wall, who appeared to be a nice unliving thing.
"I couldn't tell you... I think I'm still sleeping" replied Joeline.
"Well will this wake you up?"
That was said, in fact, not by the wall, but by a small bucket (filled with ice-cold water) that came waddling out of the bathroom and gently placed itself face down onto Joeline's head.
"Good day Miss. Had a nice sleep?"asked the wall, who appeared to be a nice unliving thing.
"I couldn't tell you... I think I'm still sleeping" replied Joeline.
"Well will this wake you up?"
That was said, in fact, not by the wall, but by a small bucket (filled with ice-cold water) that came waddling out of the bathroom and gently placed itself face down onto Joeline's head.
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Congratulations. Would you like a small parade or a cookie?
Dr. Forest stared soberly down at his patient before shaking his head, sighing, and hastily scribbling "talking dressers, walls, walking buckets" on his clipboard.
"Any progress?" came the hushed voice of the head of the Psychiatric ward.
"No, she seems to be hallucinating about a bucket of water. Earlier, it was something about being president and being on *public* display for 100 years in a *hidden* lab somewhere. Makes sense, right?"
The two doctors stared down at Joe(line), both secretly trying to not laugh.
"What do you think did it?" Dr. Asher asked, suddenly serious.
"Not sure. Might be hallucinogens. That spider-like pendant she is wearing looks occult, if you ask me." Dr. Forest replied.
At the mention of the pendant, Joe(line) twisted her head violently to one side, crying out "Caedes. CAEDES. My life for a c-index in the 90's!"
"Occult indeed.." agreed Dr. Asher, as they both stared on..
"Any progress?" came the hushed voice of the head of the Psychiatric ward.
"No, she seems to be hallucinating about a bucket of water. Earlier, it was something about being president and being on *public* display for 100 years in a *hidden* lab somewhere. Makes sense, right?"
The two doctors stared down at Joe(line), both secretly trying to not laugh.
"What do you think did it?" Dr. Asher asked, suddenly serious.
"Not sure. Might be hallucinogens. That spider-like pendant she is wearing looks occult, if you ask me." Dr. Forest replied.
At the mention of the pendant, Joe(line) twisted her head violently to one side, crying out "Caedes. CAEDES. My life for a c-index in the 90's!"
"Occult indeed.." agreed Dr. Asher, as they both stared on..
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~"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" (Prov. 3:6).~
Joline jumped up, panting heavily, thinking that she needed to escape from this world and get back to her own dimension. She hurled herself out of the window of the psyciatrists office and started running down the street, she didnt know why but after her dream the name CAEDES was stuck in her head. She stopped at the bus-stop two blocks down and stared around madly, scaring away two elderly women waiting for the bus, "maybe" she thought "this CAEDES is the key to getting home" Then everything went white (she had passed out again without realizing it) in front of her was a giant spider with six legs, CAEDES said a voice inside her head.
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A cult is a religion with no political power.
Tom Wolfe
US author & journalist (1931 - )
When Joline awoke she found herself back in the psychiatric ward. This time she was bound in a straaight jacket, and strapped to a bed. "Please. Let me go!" she screamed out, but the room was dark, and freakishly quiet. When Jolines vision had cleared she could make out her surroundings better. A shudder of terror came over her as she realised that she wasn't in a straight jacket at all, nor at the psych ward.....she was wrapped up in a spider's web, and was dangling by a thread!
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Suddenly, everything that Joe has experienced up to this point seems to make sense... but only for a moment, then it goes back to being utterly confusing again.
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
Visit the new improved rescope.com.au
"Another dimension" she thought to herself... "I seem to switch dimensions every time I fall asleep" She heard a scraping noise like a heavy weight being dragged across the floor somewhere off in the darkness "Just another layer to the bloody mystery". Hearing the scraping noise again even closer she started struggling to get out of the web.
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[?]
A cult is a religion with no political power.
Tom Wolfe
US author & journalist (1931 - )
Suddenly, she was struck by a thought! "Ow!!" she cried. After the thought had left, she had an idea! The doctor fainted. But then, something occurred to her! Spider... Web... caedes... internet... could there be some connection??
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
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She had to get to a computer and find out! She redoubled her efforts in an attempt to escape before the thing in the dark showed up.
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A cult is a religion with no political power.
Tom Wolfe
US author & journalist (1931 - )
By chance there was a laptop, spun in a nearby corner, next to a shriveled, desicated smelly dead guy in a business suit. Wrenching the machine free, she flipped it open, started it up, and clicked on a desktop icon that said CLICK HERE FOR INTERNET ACCESS. Luckily there was a wireless modem inside, PLUS it appeared to have a connection to a nearby network that simply, magically allowed her to log on FOR FREE! "Now I can find the key to my identity!" she thought.
Hastily she loaded Google and typed Caedes and Joe.. no, Joeline.. no wait... Joline.. "Criminy, how many spellings of my name do I have!?!".......
Hastily she loaded Google and typed Caedes and Joe.. no, Joeline.. no wait... Joline.. "Criminy, how many spellings of my name do I have!?!".......
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~"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" (Prov. 3:6).~
Soon she found herself at caedes.net.... it didn't seem to help much until she stumbled across a discussion called "Joes Life". She read the discussion with growing stupefication...
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
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Her skin went cold as she realized she was stupified just as the thread suggested. She had caught up with the present moment.
She waited to see what the next posting would have her do..
She waited to see what the next posting would have her do..
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~"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" (Prov. 3:6).~
Suddenly, a shot rang out!
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
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Jesus Christ you psycos are ruining my life!!!!!!!!!!! stop it now or at least make something nice happen to me!!! Oh my god!! now there's some nutjob spider with shotguns for arms coming after me!!! I hate choooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!
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Joeline having found the source of all her troubled happenings....ducks just in time as the shotgun toting spider fires. Barely missing her! She quickly grabs her laptop....which at this point seems to be her only hope. Somehow....it has to be the answer. But how?
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(tooooo funny whoever created Joeline!! Glad we finally know how she spells it. Oh, I mean HI Joeline.)
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~"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" (Prov. 3:6).~
*Hey you in the chair! Sit down, and be Quiet!* lol.....ahemm...Joeline runs out of the spiders den, and stops long enough to catch her breath. The sweat was burning her eyes, and she wished that she had something to drink. "I've got to get back to the stinky business suit wearing dead guy. Maybe he holds a clue to this whole mess?" Joeline wondered. "But what about the spider? How can I distract him long enough to search the dead guys pockets?" Just then a cat ran across the street in front of her.......
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And she had a brilliant idea! Coaxing the cute pussy cat with an old sardine she had in her pocket, she lured it to the entrance of the spiders lair. Then she tossed the sardine inside. Mewing adorably, the little kitty jumped playfully after it. There was a brief pause before a steady crunchy, chewy noise was heard... "There, that should keep mean old Mr spider busy for a few hours" Joeline thought to herself with great self-satisfaction. "Now, on to the business of rummaging through that rotting corpses pockets!" Whistling merrily, she got to work.
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
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In the pockets she found a glass slipper, an opera mask, and a bloody shovel...
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A cult is a religion with no political power.
Tom Wolfe
US author & journalist (1931 - )
She remarked how similar the glass slipper resembled one she'd seen at Payless Shoes the other day. At first she wistfully stroked the shoe but soon gave into the temptation to try it on! Freeing her right foot from sock and shoe, she hesitated only briefly before effortlessly sliding her foot into the glass marvel. She admired how dainty it made her ankle look, dispite the sweaty foot hair squished against the glass.
Suddenly the bone crunching ceased and her heart sank in the silence that followed. As the hair on the back of her neck and hands stood up, she knew she'd been spotted by ALL of the eyes on the spider.
The cave shook with a throaty belch.. the kind Joeline used to make when she was a guy and wanted to make more room so that s/he could eat more...
Suddenly the bone crunching ceased and her heart sank in the silence that followed. As the hair on the back of her neck and hands stood up, she knew she'd been spotted by ALL of the eyes on the spider.
The cave shook with a throaty belch.. the kind Joeline used to make when she was a guy and wanted to make more room so that s/he could eat more...
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~"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" (Prov. 3:6).~
((i left a message on Joeline's profile asking how she wanted us to end her, but since she hasn't responded, perhaps we should feed her to the caedes spider!! yeeks, i just felt like golem, saying that..))
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~"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" (Prov. 3:6).~
....Joeline turned, and swung the bloody shovel as hard as she could....*CLANG*....she splattered spider brains all over the cave. "Finally....something to chear about", she thought. The hairy beast met it's match, and so did the spider. "Now to find a way out of here, she thought. Joeline limped through the cave with her glass slipper. She was shaken, but not stirred. "I must find a way out......maybe a google search."
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What is a google?? I am confused. Im heading off to the library to look up the meaning of "Caedes" maybe it will help...
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HEEELLLLLLPPP MEEEEEE!!
So Joline took off running to the library, not realizing in her crazed state of mind that she was dressed in bloody rags. A police officer noticed her runnig down the street and decided to ask her if there was a problem...
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A cult is a religion with no political power.
Tom Wolfe
US author & journalist (1931 - )
Suddenly, he noticed the glass slipper on her foot. "I don't believe it, it's the missing princess! We must get you to the Princes palace at once, don't you know he's been searching everywhere for you since you ran away from the ball! ou must get to the palace so that you can be married!!" He took a moment to look her up and down... "Hmmm, well, better him than me. Still, he is the prince, I guess he can see beyond appearances. He did say you were a great dancer..." he added doubtfully. "Well, off we go!" Ignoring Joelines protests, he dragged her into the Police chariot and with a "Geeyup!" they were on their way to the palace.
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
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Halfway there the police chariot turned into a pumpkin, realizing that she hadnt eaten in ages, she started chewing on the door.
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Even the Bible talks of burning Bush. -Me
But that wasn't enough - her appetite was too big (as was her girth) - before long - the pumpkin was gone and so was the transport...
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The way to know life is to love many things. .:Van Gogh:. This weeks gallery image.
Oh well, she was far to... let's say... cumbersome... to marry a prince now anyway. She decided to take a look around and see what strange world she had landed in this time...
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
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As she rolled down the hill, she came to a sudden stop...she saw ...it couldn't be ....oompa lumpas!!!
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The way to know life is to love many things. .:Van Gogh:. This weeks gallery image.
She rubbed her eyes... no, it was just a poster advertising Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory. She rubbed her eyes again... and realised the add was not referring to the movie, but the actual factory! Apparantly, the factory had a new owner (called Charlie, funnily enough) and was now open to a select number of visitors each day...
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
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...Even though it was 'not an excuse' she began buying loads of chocolate in the hope of finding the golden ticket. Disappointed...she found a ticket on the first bar she opened. But continud to buy and eat chocolate in case it was a fake. Just then...
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The way to know life is to love many things. .:Van Gogh:. This weeks gallery image.
Joe meets Bob and they go to Geico!!! ... then the aquirrel army with
General Chippy attack them! mwahahaha!!!!
General Chippy attack them! mwahahaha!!!!
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"Listen to creations morning,
Waking all around you. Feel the
spark of dawn within, Breaking
day has found you."-The Lady of the Lake.
Joeline decides Bob is a very silly man and leaves him to his fate. Besides, she has to be at the factory gates by 10.00 am.
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
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Joeline goes in the factory but unfortunatly falls into the chocolate river and gets sucked up the pipes.
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Joeline somehow survives and plots revenge on the Willi Wonka factory secretly bribing the Oompa Loompa's to do her bidding.
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If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
As the army of oompa loompa's re about to kill charlie he blows that strange whistle and turns them back on Joeline is this the end for our heroine
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And bob, joeline and the squirrels go to geico and save a bunch of money
on their car insurance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on their car insurance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"Listen to creations morning,
Waking all around you. Feel the
spark of dawn within, Breaking
day has found you."-The Lady of the Lake.
OI THIS IS JOE'S LIFE NOT BOB'S STUPID LIFE SO KEEP ALL SILLY SQUIRRELL COMMENTS THERE PLEASE (Joeline pushes bob into a magma chamber which opens up into an acid pool bye bye bob.
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Joeline simply begins singing: "Oompa Loompa Doopity Doo..." Before long the silly things join in and forget all about Joeline. She leave Charlie frantiacally blowing his whistle and becoming very red in the face, and decides to try and find the glass elevator.
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
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Unfortunately the glass elevator was no longer working due to a fat oompa loompa eating the cables as they are made of uber-strong liquorice it looks like Joeline is trapped.
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...But Joeline pushed the oopma Loompa away with a gobstopper, and fixed the cables with some swiftly acquired liquorice all-sorts. THe glass elevator started to move...
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The way to know life is to love many things. .:Van Gogh:. This weeks gallery image.
...Up and out!!!...
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
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No! Bob, Joe and the squirrels all live happily ever after in harmony.... with
Bush. :) The End!
Bush. :) The End!
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"Listen to creations morning,
Waking all around you. Feel the
spark of dawn within, Breaking
day has found you."-The Lady of the Lake.
i think not, Due to the faulty imaginary engine in the glass elavator she stalled and landed in what appeared to be a doctors office, on closer inspection she noticed that she had landed smack dab on top of a dentists chair...
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Even the Bible talks of burning Bush. -Me
Joe, talk to Bob!!!!! I command you!
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"Listen to creations morning,
Waking all around you. Feel the
spark of dawn within, Breaking
day has found you."-The Lady of the Lake.