Here is a thought I would love for everyone to take part in....
If you were to suggest there is something to NEVER do, what would it be? (no explanation needed of why).

Aww that would be terrible D:!!

... think this ...

'Oh, I'll just reformat ... how long can it take?'

And then ... find out the answer. :o|

Is that where you vanished to? :-) Poor Les... have a packet of crisps.

Thank you, my dear. :o)


Sustenance was indeed needed throughout the operation.

Well, that and a pillow.

... ...

... ...

Poor pillow took a beating, lemme tell ya. :o\

:oD

Eat cheese, drink some milk and half some more dairy products.


breathe ends up smelling like vomit D:

... reveal the whereabouts of your lactose stash, in the presence of Jazz.


Can you say ...

"Gone ... in sixty seconds?"

:oP

... forget that Les' occasional feline houseguest would make it

"gone in 30 seconds"

MY BREATHE DIDN'T SMELL LIKE VOMIT!!!

It was someone I was talking to at lunch.

!!!!!!!!!

Oh oh ... we've incurred the wrath of Jazz ...

!! Run for the hills !!

*turns ... starts to run, trips ... gets boo boo on his knee ... retrieves a Naruto bandaid ... gets happy again .. lopes off over the hills and dales ... trips again ...*

:oD


Of course, your breath doesn't smell like vomit Jazz.

We all know it smells like 2B pencil lead. :oP

(/\ JOKe /\)

Hahahaha

*steals Naruto bandaids*

I didn't know bandaids would take the smell of vomit off your breath, Jazz!

/\Never do this.../\ ;oD

OH









I AM LIKE . . . .








IT WASN'T ME

*cries*

Well well, never tells peoples the icky advice > : C





(haha)

... wedge your Primo euro blend charcoal pencils under your enter key.






↑↑ See what happens? ← ←

:oP

Never try to unscrew the cap off 'super-glue' with your teeth!!!...

At least you won't dare vomit eh../\...☺

NEVER mistake your tube of Preparation H . for Toothpaste.

My mouth so small......I can't even eat a jelly bean anymore.

PAul

aww cruel



les is a monkey

Well, that does explain a few things then when it comes to my posts.

Me and my other 9,999 chimp-faced bretheren and sisters have been at this stuff for only 9,999 years.

Next year?

It will alllll come together and make sense. :oD


... leave your windows and doors (screen) open when the thermometer drops below freezing.

It was a bit of a shock to the system this mornin..

*breaks off a frozen finger in mid-keying ...*

:o|

Ok, strike that part above about next year my posts making sense ... going to take some time to regenerate this appendage. :o\

:oD

...trust Les to rework one of your images O.o

So kidding :P

usually one of the highest compliments one can receive.. like a white elephant, or something ;-)

LOL.

Drink a lot of water, you know "8 glasses of water" thing, yeah say goodbye to sleeping for the night.

*cues a soundtrack of various water sounds; rain falling, rivers and streams ...*

Race ya to the facilities!!

:oD

Gahhhhhh~

*uses super powers*

Which ones ? Enquiring minds want to know !

Maybe Lauren wants to know....me, not so much!

Well yeah, I'm kinda nosey as to which superpowers she has. I admit it.

Well, yaeh, I can see it...but not so much when they revolve around a bathroom break...

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I would say superspeed to bet Les :D

Never mistake calamine lotion for pepto bismol.

Never duct tape your maths teachers eyes shut
Well any teacher for that matter

LOL, do it to siblings

..respond to a Craiglist ad if the poster sounds even remotely... suspicious... damn dirty spammers... grrr

LOL.

Oh ... my.

Craiglist ... now there's a part of e-society that I would avoid assiduously.


... try ... try, to perpetuate the use of a disposal razor past the intial first half dozen. Maybe.

Can you say ... 'pluck', as opposed to 'shave'?

I knew that you could. :o|

Can we say.... bleach ? I knew that we could.

.. acknowledge you have any idea when, where or why a woman states she bleached certain hair away

I meant Les !

Maybe Rob did to ?

Maybe !!!

no, I'd never acknowledge knowing or suspecting someone did that...

/\he said and crossed his fingers behind his back

Never, ever get into a war with Lauren over the worst pun.

In a desperate attempt to win I sent 10 different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Poor baby. Though on second thought I think you won. I mean, if nobody laughed then they weren't funny, right ? Which means I'm worse, right ? I think. I'm not sure, now I'm confused. Anyway, I liked your vulture pun, I laughed. Howzat ?

What does Santa call reindeer that don't work?
Dinner.

Um, Lauren, re-read the last 5 words of my previous /\ to get the pun. In the meantime:

These friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

omg... where are you getting these ? These are freeakin' hilarious !!!! ROFLMAO !!!

Mike walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The barmaid looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.

'Tiny', answers Mike.
'Why's that?' enquires the barmaid.
'Because he's my newt' concludes Mike.

LMAO...although to be honest I had to read it 3 or 4 times before it sank in!

Where I am getting these? Lauren, are you doubting that a man of my superior sense of humor can just make these up spontaneously?

~~Snorts indignantly~~

~~Hopes no one snoops into his "Google" history~~

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...

(Oh, man this is so bad, it's good)

...A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Sorry Rich...ROFLMAO That was too funny!!!!!

But it made me think of this one I heard awhile back and had to share.

Once there was this bus which happened to be from Sesamee Street. On the bus were some very strange people with very strange things to do. First there were two identical twins whose names were both Pattie. They were very big and muscular, especially for women. Next there was a man named Ross. He was a extrodinary guy so he was dubbed "Special Ross". After that there was a hefty, overweight man named Leonard. Since his cheeks were so puffy people decided to nickname him "Leonard Cheeks". Finally, all the people on the bus had bunions at which they feverously picked and scratched.

What do we call this bus filled with strange people? Of course; we call them: "Two all-beef Patties, Special Ross, Leonard Cheeks, pickin' bunions, on a Sesamee Street bus!"

Laughing so hard I'm crying, good one Lauren!!

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

A frog went to get a loan at a bank.

The loan officer's name was Ms. Patty Stack. When the frog told Ms. Stack that he wanted a loan, she asked if he had colateral.

He showed her something that, to her, looked like a marbel and said "this is what I have for colateral".

She took it to the bank president and said "there's a frog out there who wants a loan, and this is what he has for colateral (showing him the marbel)".

She said "do you know what this is, and should I give him the loan"? The bank president said "why, that's a nic nac, Patty Stack; give that frog a loan".

I've heard that one before and reminds me of a different twist:

Kay Nein’s English Bulldog, Og, had just been awarded ‘Best in Show’ and she
felt a celebratory ice cream from Calabash’s Frozen Doggie Treats was in order; however, what she had intended to be a single scoop in a cup quickly evolved into a glop of every flavor available -leading Kay to comment, “It’s a mishmash, Calabash… give Og a cone!”

There once a second-rate orchestra led by a second-rate director. In the orchestra was this guy on the cymbals who never banged them at the right time. So the conductor said, "If you don't get it right this time I'll kill you."

When the time came for the percussionist to get it right, he didn't. And so the director pulled out a gun and shot him dead.

Of course, the police came and arrested him and eventually the conductor ended up on death row. The day came when he was sent to the electric chair. As the crowd watched, the executioner flipped the switch ... but nothing happened. Everyone wondered what had gone wrong.

But the director knew. Saddened by all that had taken place, he said, "I never was a very good conductor!"

LMAO!! You do know how to put a smile on my face Lauren!

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

What did the blonde say when she opened the Cheerios box?
"Oooooooooo what cute little baby donuts!!"

What did the blonde say when she opened the Cheerios box?
"Oooooooooo what cute little donut seeds!"

never, ever, follow the elephants...

Never, ever, lead the unicorns... ;oP

Never, ever feed the dinosaur...especially Tequila!

Well, unless it's Tequila followed by a beer chaser.

If I remember back that far, it was followed by a nap chaser...

1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila floor

Never EVER run over a live extension cord with your snowblower...although the shower of sparks was rather impressive...

... forget to have your camera on hand, when Rich is clearing the snow at his place.


It was impressive.

:oD

... eat a bag of 'Smoky Bacon' chips ... and ... a bag of Cheetos.

At ... 3:30 in the a.m..

Bad ... baaaaad, juju. :o|

3:30 am???

Didn't you feel . . sick >:C??

. . . run without thinking when people tell you (in baseball/softcross) 'YES, YOU CAN MAKE IT TO SECOND BASE'

bad bad things

Hmm, I can attest to the evils of some 3:30am munchies.

went through half a big jar of pickled herring in sour cream. great stuff, sure, but at the wee hours, when one needs to return to sleep.. maybe not so much

I'll tell you what you should never ever do. You should never ever read some of these threads even at 1:34 p.m. because just reading about eating pickled herring with sour cream at 3:30 in the morning .... sets off my Icky Meter big time.

Ick.

could be worse... I could've also said I'd been eating Godiva chocolate...imagine the associative effects that would have

*evil grin*

I could send you all a roo tail to nibble on.. I hear they're a delicacy.. lol.. and NO I haven't tried it

ewk what do you people do at night time??? Gahh, I bet you are all related to this guy and we all know that that is a bad, bad thing

. . . say that Twilight is an evil cult that is planning to take over the world whilst in the company of Twilighters

...try to beat me in a gross-out contest.

...nibble on a roo tail... without some serious antibiotics on hand

out-verbositize* Les. Sure it, can be done.. so can an ascent (via stairs) to the top of the Empire State building.. but why?? :P

*if it isn't a word, it should be ;-)

.... learn enough to actually be able to help your children with their schoolwork.... you will never be free again....

... make a gin and tonic with sprite instead of tonic. Also never make beef ramen with Rockstar. The things you learn in college eh?

. . . not have heaps of chocolate on Easter, cause where's the fun in that?

Never drink and drive. Use a five iron instead.

Yeah, never do other stuff either buster. *gives evil eye*

Never lend your Super Spy Decoder Ring...to the CIA...

Hey Ron, is that avi from the Rocky Horror Picture Show..?

Never go to the above movie without a hooded raincoat.

Nay, 'tis a Jh original, Mike.

Found here ... and aptly titled; "Ohh...My Goth!".


Dovetailing on Mike's post, yet once more ...

... beware of toast.

Toast is kinda sharp, as I found out. Particularly, when it becomes airborne. And thrown by uni/college students. :o|

... assume that your monitor is properly calibrated, and/or ... properly adjusted for brightness and contrast. :o|

Can be, literally, a real eye opener. Like, pour moi ...

lauren..........if I could ONLY FIND pickled herring!!! I used to love that, after all I am from Germany and us "krauts" love that sort of thing. They used to have these tiny rolled up herring with sour cream in the jars...where in heck did they ever go to?? why aren't they around any more? Did the world really run out of Herring? I want some sooooooooo bad, and I would have it most anytime..yummmmmm

well... on a more sober note, there's been a ban on catching herring here on the Cape of old Cod because their numbers are vastly reduced. However....

never stand underneath a mob of seagulls at the herring run while the herring are running... without an umbrella...

Verena check the wholesale places, like BJ's, and Costco. Might have some luck there.

Never... have an "Identify the Roadkill" photo contest. Although, could make for some really keen guesswork.

>:o)

NEVER dip pot-stickers in Guinness Draught!

That does sound disgusting, Ron.

Never opt for a "boutique dentist" for dental care.

Never give up on your dreams!

;-)

I would NEVER do that!
Just be a bit more sound-minded...

NEVER smoke (cheap) cigars in a close-windowed car with four other people...I tried that once...

...and wound up taking the bus home!

Never drop your bike and break your ankle a week before leaving for D.C. and then try and sight see on crutches in 90 degree weather....

Never try to do that cool dance step that Michael Jackson used to do, the one on the tip of his toes....

ouchy

Never walk around barefooted when you've been doing some hand embroidery work!! My foot found out the hard way..twice!!Ouch!

...sing the National Anthem unless a) you can sing, or b) there's no electronic devices recording your efforts..

worth a giggle:

http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/
song_dance/Anthem_Fail_Montage/#252597

Never "invest" in any MicroSoft operating system until at least the release of SP3.

Not clean your room for a while

Never take your phone off the hook and leave a note...

... go grocery shopping, when you are hungry.

Yep, did it again. Tripled my budget, too. And that was with avoiding the impulse buys while awaiting checkout.

... ...

Well, save a couple of chocolate bars. But! They were on special.

:oD

Never send Les posters of his archrival, the Cookie Monster!

Never get down low to snap a picture, when it takes you more than 5 minutes to get upright again!....

'OooooooH'!

Guess who made the front page of google.ca today?

:oD

Les...figured you'd catch on to the Sesame Street 40th...Did not figure the Google "Cookie Post" today...Oh well, coincedence...

40 years man, has it been THAT long?

Ahhh ... forty years of pure, unadulterated ... entertainment.

For alllll ages. :o)


R.I.P. Jim ... you done brought a wonderful thing into our world ... and here's to forty more years to the franchise. :o)

Never try to whistle while eating soup crackers...What a mess it makes...

Wow, I can't believe this thread has been going for years now! Never make a right turn with your car and be looking left at soomething ya shouldn't!! That curb coulda hurt my nice ol' tire AND car!! Whew...

Never stand under the Mistletoe after eating something really garlicy...

fall asleep during a webinar business conference... like I just did.

Thank god my phone was on mute because I'm pretty sure I was snoring.