Ok...so I am bored out of my mind...that said, I decided we needed a thread where we could post various abstract funnies that don't fit into other threads...so I'll begin with the lyrics to 2 of my favorite songs::


Beerrun (Todd Snyder)
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
all we need is a ten and five-er,
car and key and a sober driver,
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
a couple of frat guys from abilene
drove out all night to see Robert Earl Keen
at the K-pei swine and sworay dance-
they wore baseball caps and khaki pants-
they wanted cigarettes-so to save a little money-
they got one from this hippie who smelt kina funny
and-next thing they knew they were both pretty hungry-
and pretty thirsty tooo
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
B-double E double R U-N-beer ru-unn

all we need is a ten and five-er,
car and key and a sober driver,
B-double E double R U-N-beer run

found a store with a sign-said
there beer was coldest-so they sent
in Brad- cause he looked the oldest
-he got a case of beer and a candy bar
-walked over to where all them registers are
layed his fake id on the countertop
the clerk looked, he turned up, he looked he stopped.
he said "son, I'm not gonna call the cops, but im gonna
have to keep this card"-
the guys both took it pretty haard
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
B-double E double R U-N-beer ru-un

oh how happy we would be-
had we only brought a better fake id
B-double E double R U-N-beer run

they found this nother old hippie named
sleepie john-claimed to be the one from the Robert
Earl Keen song
so they gave him all their cash-he bought em some brew
-was a beautiful day out in Santa Cruz
they were feelin' so good it shoulda been a crime-
the crowd was cool and the band was prime
they made it back up front to their seats just in time
so they could sing with all their friends
they sang-"the rode goes on forever and the party
never eends"
B-double E double R U-N-beer run

all we need is a ten and a five-er car and
key and a sober driver
B-double E double R U-N-beer run


Weed with Willie (Toby Keith)
I always heard that his herb was top shelf
Lord I just could not wait to find out for myself.
Well don't knock it till you've tried it.
And I've tried it my friend.
I'll never smoke weed with Willie again!

Now we learned a hard lesson in a small Texas town
He fired up a fat boy and he passed it around
The last words I spoke before they tucked me in
I may discount bungee jump but,
I'll never smoke weed with Willie again.

[Chorus:]
I'll never smoke weed with Willie again
My party's all over before it begins
You CAN pour me some old whiskey River my friend.
But I'll never smoke weed with Willie again

We hopped on his old bus the Honeysuckle Rose
The party was Huntsville, but it was after the show
Alone in the front lounge, just me and him
I took one friendly puff and the grim creeper set in

[Chorus]

Let's go down to Texas Scott

Now we're passin' the guitar, we're tellin' good jokes
I know one's a comin' 'cause I'm smellin' smoke
No I do not partake I just let it pass by
With a smile on my face and a great contact high

[Chorus]

In the fetal position with drool on our chin
We broke down and smoked weed with Willie again




Now show me the funny!!!

This is funny...and a little sad too...but very cute...and Keith, you need to teach me how to link...I never bothered to read your tutorials...until then...copy/paste::

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060526/od_nm/germany_swan_dc

cleans up after jenn

lovesick swan

Thanks Cat...now will you please show me that little trick so you dont have to keep cleaning up after me

certainly darling… <* href="LINK HERE">description here</*>

replace the asterisks w/an a and you're good to go!

hmmmmpppfffttt .. I wrote those tutorials just for YOU, jenn

I'm an a**hole
For any Denis Leary fans and/or Halo junkies...this ^^^ one is for you.


And thank you Cat for teaching me the trick...Keith I promise next time you write a tutorial I will try to not be so blinded by your sexy big ears, and actually pay attention to your tutorial.

Blonde Cop::

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car

and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug

through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.



"What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied,

"It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in

her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back

saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

GEORGE CARLIN-ISMS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

CONSTITUTION

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
it's worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse. You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians It creates a hostile work environment!


And last but not least...


George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart.

"Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to jail."