René Descartes walks into a bar and the barman asks him if he would like a drink and Descartes answers, "I think not"

POOF

He dissapers


That one might be a little complicated...
see if you can come up with a better one

hmm, I think, therefore I am... so the inverse applies? clever.

Sarah Jessica Parker walks along the road with her horse. A neighbor says hey, who's the long-faced stranger?

Sarah starts to answer.. the neighbor says, oh sorry, I was talking to the horse...

~~Obviously the title of this thread is not "Good Jokes"~~

;-)

The difference between mustard and cheese...

one, if cut, means you're very very good

the other, if cut, means you'll be very very lonely...

*makes note to send inner-thread memo to Rob, regarding acceptable content for this thread ...*

:oP


Like ... this joke ...

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling crummy!

~~See 3 posts /\~~

LOLOL.

My godmother's favorite:

What does the snail say when he climbs on the turtle's back?

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

2 cows in a field one cow says to the other... "boy that mad cow disease is getting worse".. the other cow says "yeah lucky i'm a chicken"

/\ LOLOL.

now for another bad joke... 2 sausages in a frying pan.. one says to the other.."Phew its getting hot in here" the other syas "arrrrrrrrrggggggggggggg a talking sausage"

Blonde joke:::: What did the blonde say when she opened the
box of Cheerios?...Ohhhh look , it's baby donuts!!!!

Did you hear about the blonde who won the Golf medal in the 2008 Olmypics? She took it home and had it bronzed.

PAul

Two car crash in mexico....thousnads killed...

How do you get a one armed blond to fall out of a tree
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Wave at her :-P

One of my favorite blonde jokes.

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.

The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.

She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

Or the coroner who identified a mummified female blonde cadaver found in a closet as the World Hide'n'Seek champion of 1936.

Now THAT'S funny, Mike!

Hey, why not post that one I sent you in a PM?

;-)

why not post it yourself? :P

A young businessman had started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I''ve come to activate your phone lines."

A guy was pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt. He protested to the officer that he was wearing his seatbelt until the cop pointed out that it was looped through the steering wheel . . hehehe . . Nice try, bub.

I might've posted this one before, but it still kills me.

A flight to NYC has just taken off, and the flight attendant in charge is doing a head count. She notices a young blonde sitting in first class, who belongs in coach. She tries, politely, to explain how everyone has to remain seated in their original seat.. to no avail.

She tells the co-pilot, who smiles and tells her he'll handle it. He strolls over to the blonde, and they begin chatting for a moment. After a bit, the blonde gets up, gathers her belongings, and moves to her assigned seat.

Astonished, the flight attendant thanks the captain, and asks what he could've possibly have said to the young lady, that the attendant herself hadn't.

"Simple", replied the co-pilot, "I told her that first class is express, and doesn't stop in NYC"

;-)

I walk into a diner and order breakfast..."I want my eggs runny, my toast burnt, my bacon soft and uncooked, my orange juice full of seeds, and my coffee laden with grounds..."

The waitress says, "We don't serve food like that!"

I answer, "You did yesterday..."

There was a brunette, a red head, and a blonde. They were lost in the woods and they found an old lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie! You each can have one wish he said. The brunette wished to be in a giant mansion with all the money in the world, and poof she was gone. The red head wished she was on a cruise in the bahamas. Poof and she was gone. The genie looked at the blonde and said, what would you like miss. The blonde looked around and said "I am lonely now, I wish my friends were back"

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its @rse
And turned its wool to nylon.

hehe!

what did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt...

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Are you ready for a Canadian joke....*grin*

:oD

Here you are..

A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver “What’s that building there?” “That’s the Royal York Hotel” replied the cabbie. “The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?” asked the Texan. “About 12 years” replied the cabbie.

“12 years? We build ‘em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months.”

A while later the cab driver makes his was past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre. “What’s that building over there?” asked the Texan. “That’s the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre” replied the cabbie. “Convention Centre? How long’d it take to build that?” asked the Texan. “About three years” replied the cabbie. “Three years? We build ‘em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only takes us about two weeks.”

Shortly thereafter the cabbie drives past the CN Tower. “What’s that building there?” asks the Texan, pointing at the tower. “Danged if I know” replied the cabbie, “It wasn’t here when I drove by yesterday.”

^ lol!

"Idiot Man" ...knew he left his watch up on a high hill, but he didn't go back for it...'cos he knew it would run down...

This made me laugh!!

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out
of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to
100 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had
left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M1,
enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he
saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought
the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 120mph, then 130 then 140mph.

Suddenly, he hought, "What
on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this
nonsense!"
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch
up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the
driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift
ends in 10 minutes.
Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If
you can give me a good reason why you were speeding that I've never heard
before, I'll let you go."

The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and
replied,
"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman.. I thought you were
bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir", said the
policeman.

hehehe! Made me laugh too!

....LOL....

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'

Me! .. I thought it was beer!....

~Sniggers as he walks away!!!!~

Subject: Passwords for Blondes






Ever wonder how blondes remember their passwords?

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blond was using the
following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least
8 characters long.


Apologies to all blondes everywhere....

~Sniggers~

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when, all of a sudden ........

'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I ahm sure of eet.'

'Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee'.

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture.. There's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

'Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Eet EES a bacon tree!'

'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'

'Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon ... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.

And with that, Luis races toward the tree.

He gets to within 5 metres, with Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

'Pepe ... go back, man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree.'

'Luis, Luis, mi amigo .... what ees it?

'Pepe .. ees not a bacon tree ...


Ees .........







Ees .........







Ees ........






... Eees a Ham Bush

What do you call a steer that ate a lit stick of dynanmite?
-ABOMINABLE

What do you call the same steer after the stick of dynamite explodes?
-NOBLE

What do you call a dead parrot on top of a geometry textbook?
-POLYGON

What do you call fog in Italy?
-BIGAMIST

What do you call a baby donkey?
-ASSET