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Giggle for the day.
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Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
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"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps"
LOL. . .wow. . .thats rich.
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If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
A farmer got pulled over by a Lansing Police Officer for speeding, and the officer started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the officer got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"
The officer stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are; I never heard of circle flies."
So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The officer says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."
The officer says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
Finally, the officer got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"
The officer stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are; I never heard of circle flies."
So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The officer says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."
The officer says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
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The teacher said that that that that that student used was incorrect.
lol! That's funny... *giggles* ^_^
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"Every heart that has beat
strong and cheerfully has left a
hopeful impulse behind it in the
world, and bettered the tradition
of mankind."- Robert Louis Stevenson
Why did the punk rocker cross the road??
Because he had a chicken pinned to his cheek.
Because he had a chicken pinned to his cheek.
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The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes,
but in having new eyes.
- Marcel Proust
Types of Computer Viruses
Adam and Eve virus-takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple
Airline virus-you're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus-terminates and stays resident It comes back.
AT&T virus-every three minutes it reminds you what great service you are getting.
Congressional virus-overdraws your computer.
Elvis virus-your computer gets, fat, slow, and lazy, then destructs only to resurface for years later after you thougt it was gone.
Freudian virus-your computer becomes obsessed with marrying the motherboard.
Michael Jackson virus-hard to identify because it constantly alters its appearance.
Nike virus-Just Does It!
Oprah virus-your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
Ted Turner virus-colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Texas virus-makes sure its bigger than any other virus you have ever had.
Warren Commission virus-wont allow you to open your files for years.
Adam and Eve virus-takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple
Airline virus-you're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus-terminates and stays resident It comes back.
AT&T virus-every three minutes it reminds you what great service you are getting.
Congressional virus-overdraws your computer.
Elvis virus-your computer gets, fat, slow, and lazy, then destructs only to resurface for years later after you thougt it was gone.
Freudian virus-your computer becomes obsessed with marrying the motherboard.
Michael Jackson virus-hard to identify because it constantly alters its appearance.
Nike virus-Just Does It!
Oprah virus-your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
Ted Turner virus-colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Texas virus-makes sure its bigger than any other virus you have ever had.
Warren Commission virus-wont allow you to open your files for years.
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Kimberly Bramlett
"The person born with a talent they are meant to use will find their greatest pleasure in using it." Johann Wolfgang von Goetche
One more-
George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfield are flying on the Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President smiles and says, "" You know, I could throw a $1000.00 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."
The Vice-President shrugs and says, " Well, I could throw 10 $100.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."
Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, " Of course then, I could throw 100 $10.00 bills out the window and make one hundred people happy."
The pilot rolls his eyes and says to the copilot, " Such arrogant **sses back there. **ll, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people happy."
George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfield are flying on the Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President smiles and says, "" You know, I could throw a $1000.00 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."
The Vice-President shrugs and says, " Well, I could throw 10 $100.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."
Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, " Of course then, I could throw 100 $10.00 bills out the window and make one hundred people happy."
The pilot rolls his eyes and says to the copilot, " Such arrogant **sses back there. **ll, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people happy."
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Kimberly Bramlett
"The person born with a talent they are meant to use will find their greatest pleasure in using it." Johann Wolfgang von Goetche
LOL!!! Although I heard the other day that the President and Vice president never travel together, in case there should be a plane crash, as they want to make sure that at least one of them survives. I guess now I know the real reason (ie so pilots don't throw them out the window...)
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-Everyone is entitled to my opinion-
Visit the new improved rescope.com.au
'K, this is for the geek that resides in all of us, in varying degrees ...
Beer for Geeks
DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz can, but now comes in a 16-oz can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2-oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
MAC Beer: At first, came only in a 16-oz can, but now comes in a 32-oz can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the wastebin.
Windows 95 Beer: The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
Windows 98 Beer: See Windows 95 beer above. About the same but Windows 98 beer creates less gas and makes you crash less.
Windows 2000 Beer: A new beer on the market. A lot of people have taste tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks like Mac and OS/2 Beer's can, but tastes like Windows 95/98 Beer. It comes in 32-oz cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16-oz of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 95/98 Beer until their friends try Windows 2000 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS and Mac Beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 95 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look like Windows 2000 Beer's, after Windows 2000 Beer starts shipping well. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.
Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8-oz to 64-oz. Drinkers on Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for these occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years...
AmigaOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very well, because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. it originally came in a 16-oz can, but now comes in 32-oz cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colourful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.
Beer for Geeks
DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz can, but now comes in a 16-oz can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2-oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
MAC Beer: At first, came only in a 16-oz can, but now comes in a 32-oz can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the wastebin.
Windows 95 Beer: The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
Windows 98 Beer: See Windows 95 beer above. About the same but Windows 98 beer creates less gas and makes you crash less.
Windows 2000 Beer: A new beer on the market. A lot of people have taste tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks like Mac and OS/2 Beer's can, but tastes like Windows 95/98 Beer. It comes in 32-oz cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16-oz of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 95/98 Beer until their friends try Windows 2000 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS and Mac Beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 95 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look like Windows 2000 Beer's, after Windows 2000 Beer starts shipping well. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.
Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8-oz to 64-oz. Drinkers on Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for these occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years...
AmigaOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very well, because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. it originally came in a 16-oz can, but now comes in 32-oz cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colourful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.
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The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes,
but in having new eyes.
- Marcel Proust
Juggling Test
A juggler who was driving to his next performance was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.
A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
....................................................................................................
Rolls Royce
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.
The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral and so the man said, "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce."
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait, sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
......................................................................................................
Travel Destinations
Artists go to: Painted Desert, Arizona
Athletes go to: Olympia Heights, Florida
Candy Makers: Carmel, Indiana
College Professors: University City, Missouri
Ecologists: Green Bay, Wisconsin
Firefighters: Smokey Mountains
Fortune tellers: Palm Springs, California
Geologists: Stone Mountain, Georgia
Gossip Columnists: Grapevine, Texas
Helicopter Pilots: Hoover, Alabama
Home Builders: New Castle, Pennsylvania
Jewelers: Pearl City, Hawaii
Landscapers: Garden City, Michigan
Lawyers: Accident, Maryland
Loan Officers: Fairbanks, Alaska
Lumber Jacks: Thousand Oaks, California
Manicurists: Finger Lakes, New York
Optometrists: Plainview, New York
Pastors: Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Pianists: Florida Keys
Podiatrists: Arches National Park, Utah
Politicians: Dodge City, Kansas
Prostitutes: Pleasure Ridge, Kentucky
Real Estate Salesmen: Loveland, Colorado
Refrigerator Repairmen: Chilum, Maryland
Retired Army Officers: East Point, Georgia
Sailors: Marina, California
Sheriffs: Marshalltown, Iowa
Tree Trimmers: Long Branch, New Jersey
TV Evangelists: Paradise, California
A juggler who was driving to his next performance was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.
A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
....................................................................................................
Rolls Royce
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.
The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral and so the man said, "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce."
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait, sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
......................................................................................................
Travel Destinations
Artists go to: Painted Desert, Arizona
Athletes go to: Olympia Heights, Florida
Candy Makers: Carmel, Indiana
College Professors: University City, Missouri
Ecologists: Green Bay, Wisconsin
Firefighters: Smokey Mountains
Fortune tellers: Palm Springs, California
Geologists: Stone Mountain, Georgia
Gossip Columnists: Grapevine, Texas
Helicopter Pilots: Hoover, Alabama
Home Builders: New Castle, Pennsylvania
Jewelers: Pearl City, Hawaii
Landscapers: Garden City, Michigan
Lawyers: Accident, Maryland
Loan Officers: Fairbanks, Alaska
Lumber Jacks: Thousand Oaks, California
Manicurists: Finger Lakes, New York
Optometrists: Plainview, New York
Pastors: Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Pianists: Florida Keys
Podiatrists: Arches National Park, Utah
Politicians: Dodge City, Kansas
Prostitutes: Pleasure Ridge, Kentucky
Real Estate Salesmen: Loveland, Colorado
Refrigerator Repairmen: Chilum, Maryland
Retired Army Officers: East Point, Georgia
Sailors: Marina, California
Sheriffs: Marshalltown, Iowa
Tree Trimmers: Long Branch, New Jersey
TV Evangelists: Paradise, California
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Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Thanks, I needed that ... er, those. Back to the water cooler, lol.
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The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes,
but in having new eyes.
- Marcel Proust
Well then.
100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Assassins do it from behind.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Death is hereditary.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.
Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you.
If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Keep honking. I'm reloading.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Montana: At least our cows are sane!
More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What's the speed of dark?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Who stopped payment on my reality check?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Assassins do it from behind.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Death is hereditary.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.
Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you.
If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Keep honking. I'm reloading.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Montana: At least our cows are sane!
More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What's the speed of dark?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Who stopped payment on my reality check?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
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Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
Oscar Wilde
Well, Nik, I think you have done us a good turn by providing us with some reading material for a few days ... whoa.
'K, now where was I ... hmm, believe I was at the 'D's' ... good good stuff ...
'K, now where was I ... hmm, believe I was at the 'D's' ... good good stuff ...
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[?]
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes,
but in having new eyes.
- Marcel Proust
a skeleton walked into a bar and ordered a beer and a mop...
duh dun dun pishhhhh ;)
duh dun dun pishhhhh ;)
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wow. . .lol
here's one. . .
3 irish men walked out of a bar. . .
(think about it)
here's one. . .
3 irish men walked out of a bar. . .
(think about it)
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The teacher said that that that that that student used was incorrect.
Hmm .. I am Irish ... I don't get it, why don't you give me your address and I'll come and you can explain it to me.
'K, point of note, let's leave ethnicity out of it, shall we??
'K, point of note, let's leave ethnicity out of it, shall we??
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[?]
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes,
but in having new eyes.
- Marcel Proust
Nip it in the bud son.
2 parots sat on a perch, 1 says to the other "can you smell fish"?
2 parots sat on a perch, 1 says to the other "can you smell fish"?
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Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
Oscar Wilde
Oh Nik- you could go all night long at a party, I can tell, I never remember jokes. I have to read them off the paper or I say them wrong and they arent so funny anymore.
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Kimberly Bramlett
"The person born with a talent they are meant to use will find their greatest pleasure in using it." Johann Wolfgang von Goetche
Nick I think you may have left a few out! LOL
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Art is the perception of the creator. Meaning is the perception of the viewer. acceptance is the perception of society.
2 nuns in a bath, one says to the other "where's the soap" to which the other nun says "yes it does dosen't it".
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How can you understand when there is nothing to understand?
Tired of being contantly broke and unhappy a young man deciedes to solve his problems by taking out a large life insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary. He arranges to have her killed. A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with an under world figure called Arte. Arte told the husband that the going price for snuffing her was 5000.00. The husband said he wouldnt have the money until the life insurance policy paid off. Artie insisted on being paid something upfront. The husband had only a single dollar. Artie took it. A few days later, Artie followed the mans wife to the local grocery store. There, he suprised her in the produce department and strangled her with his gloved hand. As the poor unsuspecting woman took her last breath and slumped to the floor , the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any loose ends behind, Artie had no choice but to stangle him as well. Unknown to Artie, the entire proceeding was caught on the stores video camera by security and Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave in the store. Artie revealed the sordid truth including the financial arrnagement with the husband, And that is why the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared... ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT KROEGER'S MARKET.
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Kimberly Bramlett
"The person born with a talent they are meant to use will find their greatest pleasure in using it." Johann Wolfgang von Goetche
Determine your age by chocolate math. This is cool! Don't cheat! First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate( more than once but less than 10 times). Now multiply this number by 2. Ok, add 5. Multiply it by 50. If you have to get out your calculator. If you have already had your birthday this year, add 1755. If you have not, add 1754. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born in. You should have a three digit number. The first digit of this was your original numbere( ie how many times you want to have chocolate each week) The next two numbers are YOUR AGE (Oh yes, it is!) This is the only year 2005 it will ever work, so spread it while it still lasts.
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Kimberly Bramlett
"The person born with a talent they are meant to use will find their greatest pleasure in using it." Johann Wolfgang von Goetche
How the Bush Administration Changes a Light Bulb
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
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"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps"
Here we go.
A guy is driving down the road @ a leisurely pace, taking in the views of the countryside, his favourite Van Gellis blaring out of his Harmon Cardon sound system, gingerly he takes a swig from his hip flask as doing so he is approaching as tunnel (only short) and the road is clear for miles so he winds down the window to hear the sound of his new car going through the tunnel and casually increases the pressure on the accelerator. As he does so he hears his new Audi S8 purr so he (knowing the road is clear) stamps on the accelerator, as he does so he exits the tunnel and "F L A S H", "b##tard pigs" he yells, the sirens quickly come on and he slows, indicates and pulls over.
The policeman (mid forties) wanders over ratta tat tats on the window.
bzzzzzrrrrrddddddddddd window lowers.
"Hello Officer what can I do for you"? he asks.
"Please step out of the car sir", says the policeman.
"That was nice wasn't it"? says the policeman.
"What was sir says the driver"?
"The speed you were doing, tell me what do you do for a living? are you a formula 1 driver"?
"Nope im a rectum stretcher"! says the driver.
"Sorry pardon, your a what"?
"Sorry sir I said I am a rectum stretcher".
"And what exactly does a rectum stretcher do"?(copper is unsure to ask but does anyway).
"Well sir, a rectum stretcher pretty much has to be very carefull firstly, attention to detail is paramount, you have to start with 1 finger first and manouver it into the rectum, gradually you can feel it ease so you put a second finger in, you with me so far"?
"Yes", says the copper.
"Well once 2 are in you need to proceed slowly 1 by 1 untill you can get your hand in, gradually you include the second hand, this takes a while so best to be gentle. once both hands are in you start stretching and pulling the rectum apart, bit by bit, inch by inch untill your 1 feet, then 2,3,4,5,6 feet stretched".
(Copper is well confused)
"Well what is the use for a 6 feet asshole"
"Well then Mr Copper 6 feet assholes are hidden behind tunnels and given speed cameras".
A guy is driving down the road @ a leisurely pace, taking in the views of the countryside, his favourite Van Gellis blaring out of his Harmon Cardon sound system, gingerly he takes a swig from his hip flask as doing so he is approaching as tunnel (only short) and the road is clear for miles so he winds down the window to hear the sound of his new car going through the tunnel and casually increases the pressure on the accelerator. As he does so he hears his new Audi S8 purr so he (knowing the road is clear) stamps on the accelerator, as he does so he exits the tunnel and "F L A S H", "b##tard pigs" he yells, the sirens quickly come on and he slows, indicates and pulls over.
The policeman (mid forties) wanders over ratta tat tats on the window.
bzzzzzrrrrrddddddddddd window lowers.
"Hello Officer what can I do for you"? he asks.
"Please step out of the car sir", says the policeman.
"That was nice wasn't it"? says the policeman.
"What was sir says the driver"?
"The speed you were doing, tell me what do you do for a living? are you a formula 1 driver"?
"Nope im a rectum stretcher"! says the driver.
"Sorry pardon, your a what"?
"Sorry sir I said I am a rectum stretcher".
"And what exactly does a rectum stretcher do"?(copper is unsure to ask but does anyway).
"Well sir, a rectum stretcher pretty much has to be very carefull firstly, attention to detail is paramount, you have to start with 1 finger first and manouver it into the rectum, gradually you can feel it ease so you put a second finger in, you with me so far"?
"Yes", says the copper.
"Well once 2 are in you need to proceed slowly 1 by 1 untill you can get your hand in, gradually you include the second hand, this takes a while so best to be gentle. once both hands are in you start stretching and pulling the rectum apart, bit by bit, inch by inch untill your 1 feet, then 2,3,4,5,6 feet stretched".
(Copper is well confused)
"Well what is the use for a 6 feet asshole"
"Well then Mr Copper 6 feet assholes are hidden behind tunnels and given speed cameras".
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Patience is a virtue.
Changing A Light Bulb The Christian Way
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb ?
* Charismatic * : Only 1
Hands are already in the air.
* Pentecostal * : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
* Presbyterians * : None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
* Roman Catholic * : None
Candles Only
* Baptists * : At least 15
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
* Episcopalians * : 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
* Mormons * : 5
One man to change the bulb & four wives to tell him how to do it.
* Unitarians *
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. Howerver, if, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3 way, long life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
* Methodists * : Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved.
You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
* Nazarene * : 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men to review church lighting policy.
* Lutherns * : None
Lutherns don't believe in change.
* Amish *
What's a light bulb ?
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb ?
* Charismatic * : Only 1
Hands are already in the air.
* Pentecostal * : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
* Presbyterians * : None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
* Roman Catholic * : None
Candles Only
* Baptists * : At least 15
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
* Episcopalians * : 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
* Mormons * : 5
One man to change the bulb & four wives to tell him how to do it.
* Unitarians *
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. Howerver, if, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3 way, long life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
* Methodists * : Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved.
You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
* Nazarene * : 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men to review church lighting policy.
* Lutherns * : None
Lutherns don't believe in change.
* Amish *
What's a light bulb ?
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Two wrongs don't make a right,
three lefts do.
why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To meet his flat mate
To meet his flat mate
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[?]
'Study the past, if you would divine the future.' - Confucius
hey thats quite funny even without eight pints of beer :-)
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"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps"
I'm impressed with the speed and convenience of Fast Credit Approval with Credite Instant https://credite-instant.ro/ . When I needed a quick loan, I turned to them, and they didn't disappoint. From the moment I applied to the moment I received the funds, everything was seamless. Credite Instant is definitely my go-to option for fast credit approval.
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Here's the first:
Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, ''Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant.''
"And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.
"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the department manager.
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.
''Simple,'' said the department manager, ''Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'''