It's still a good photo. I wish you hadn't taken the other one down so a comparison could be made.

Although I might say that the whites of her eyes might be a bit over the top...not for commercial work, but perhaps for general photography.

I guess it depends on what your client wants!

Nice work.

:)PJ

I didn't see the other version and agree with P,J. somewhat, about the eyes.Not so much the whiteness though. They dominate and that's the way it should be, considering the direction of gaze.
The lower portion is too heavy and a crop up to just below the bottom left button changes the viewers eye travel allowing maximum concentration on the face and eyes.
Eliminating that lower gray area removes a large block of neutral tones, making the face and eyes predominant, and then the eyes appear quite striking, natural, and without any distracting influence.
Great shot.

Nice shot .. i love portraits but I think the foreground sleeve is the issue .. it is a little dominant (at least as big as her face) and soft focus. The features seem a little soft too.

The burning in of the hand is a little noticeable.

" ... and i had to burn in the hand some."

Another technique, or two ... to add to your post processing skill set, perhaps ...

Tony Kuyper Photography - Tutorials

In particular, the Luminosity Masks and Luminosity Painting.


Annnnnd ... some Happy Birthday wishes for you.

Bring cake, people are expecting it ... and some .. (*points in mirror*) .. have been sitting with fork and plate in hand for a few days now. :oP

Hope your day was kind to you. :o)