Maharishi Fattifatman’s Guide to Zen

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either, just go away and leave me alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

The darkest hours come just before the dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to
do it.

Sex is like air.
It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

Don't aspire to become irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Remember, no-one is listening until you fart.

Never forget that like everyone else, you are unique.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of
mortgage payments

Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Hope you enjoyed these inspiring thoughts. Cheers. Al.